I feel fairly confident when I state that most people would not consider me the earthy-crunchy type. I wear far too much J. Crew and do too much split ticket voting to qualify. That being said, I certainly have a few earthy-crunchy/touchy-feely/getting-in-touch-with-my-inner-whatever tendencies. One of them I feel obliged to tell you about in the run-up to New Year's resolution season. Some background...
People say things like this to me...a lot:
- "I wish I could do what you did and just pick up and move abroad."
- "I'd really like to start my own business, but I just don't have the confidence."
- "How can you be early 30s and figured out so much?"
First, I answer that I have most definitely not "figured things out." Second, I answer that I try to stay in touch with how I really want to feel. That's right -- not what I want to do or make or see, but how I want to feel about the day's work when the day is done.
For a long time, I did a lot of my own goal-setting. It was a once-a-year sort of thing, but it worked on setting me down a certain path. One thing I struggled with, however, was actually feeling good about certain goals when I reached them. Why did accomplishing my "goals" make me feel so ambivalent? Enter Danielle LaPorte and The Desire Map.
I initially discovered Danielle way back in about 2007 when she was featured in an issue of Domino magazine. I immediately scooped up her book Style Statement and found it incredibly valuable. I followed Danielle, read a ton of her stuff and latched on to The Desire Map the second it was released. I love the premise of the whole shebang: how do you want to feel?
For a few years, my core desired feelings (CDFs) were things like: engaged, active, bold, adventurous, deep experience, etc. I tried to wrap everything I did into those CDFs. The result? Serious happiness. Relocation, travel, business, baby, writing...serious activity and action. By thinking often about how I wanted to feel, it meant I didn't say "yes" to things -- work, social events, travel opportunities -- unless they were going to light my fire in the long run.
My current CDFs look like this:
I developed these CDFs about this time last year. After years of what I would consider pretty active CDFs, these words just felt different...almost alarmingly different. It helped me really focus on what I/my family needed as we pursued our move back to the U.S., I looked for a job and we set up our new house. No joke -- my CDFs infiltrate every fiber of what I do.
It's about time for me to go through the process again. My gut tells me that most, if not all of my CDFs, won't change, but it's always good to check in on these things.
Why am I sharing this all with you today? Because I really believe in this and if you're someone that likes to try for resolutions each year, this might be a good process for you to try before committing to whatever brave thing you might be attempting in 2015.
Here are some of my top recommendations of what Danielle has to offer:
Do you have any things like this that you swear by? Leave me a comment, I'd love to hear your suggestions!